Day 8. R-Day minus 6.

Today did not suck. Ryan came over this afternoon, and Mom and Dad sent Stevie down to the basement, while the four of us had a heart-2-heart around the dining room table.

Ryan was like Apollo, Perry Mason, and Antonio Banderas, all wrapped in one. But he was still like, Ryan too, you know? He apologized to my dad, for keeping me out so late. He said it was all his fault, but we lost track of time, while we were talking about our plans for the band. (And, yeah, i know, that's not all true, but it's not all a lie, either. We talked about it a lot at the Bean, with his friends, and even at the Landing, we talked some about our hopes for the band, and other dreams. Really, you didn't think we spent an hour and half, just groping each other in the back seat, did you? Well, okay, I mean, we did some, but, guys it really wasn't as bad as it sounds.)

Ryan said, "If you're looking for someone to blame, I wish you'd blame me."

I wished the table would swallow me up when Daddy said, "I do blame you."

He told Daddy that I was very important to him, and he wished that my dad could just see how this punishment was affecting me, at school.

My dad said, "It's supposed to affect her. Miranda has to restore our trust in her."

I guess everyone who thinks they know me at school (which means everyone but L&G) would have expected me to speak up for myself here, but guys, you have to understand. In my culture, we're taught that in these kinds of discussions, we're expected to let "the men" do the talking. Although Mama and I were there, this was a discussion between Ryan and Daddy.

And Ryan was quiet for a minute, then he cleared his throat and said (I'll never forget it), "Mister Sanchez, you need to realize something, something that Miranda has already taught me to understand. If there's anyone in all this world that you can trust to do the right thing, to respect herself, and to be a good person, it's Miranda."

And that's when the tide started to turn, and I think Ryan and Daddy both realized it. I think Daddy actually started to respect Ryan a little, for standing up to him that way ("you need to realize something" gah!). Only Ryan!

After a little while, things actually weren't so...confrontational? Macho? It was almost mano-a-mano. Oh, sure, Daddy wanted to know what electives Ryan was taking, and what his plans were, after he graduated, and even why he wanted to be in my band, but these were the questions that any father would ask. Don't misunderstand, he wasn't slapping Ryan on the back and inviting him to season tickets with the Padres, or anything, but it was almost like he was...I dunno, maybe beginning to accept that this may be the guy that just might be winning his daughter's heart.

And, hey, Ryan? I think maybe you are.

Anyway, all that was this afternoon (and afterwards, as he was leaving, I took him out on the porch, and gave him a virginal, chaste, kiss on the cheek.

And then I had to scoot back inside, cause it was freezing-ass cold, and I was in my socks.)

But, anyway, tonight I was doing my homework in my room, when my dad came in and sat on the bed. I knew he was distracted, cause he hasn't sat on my bed since I was nine.

"So," he said. "What did you think?"

I put down my pen, and said, "I think you were being hard on Ryan. Intentionally."

He said, "Guilty. On both counts."

So then I said, "What about you?"

He leaned over and picked up the folding picture frame from my desk and studied it. One side had a photo of Stevie, on the swings in the back yard; on the other side was Ryan. And he was running his finger along one edge of the frame as he said, "He has given me...many things...to think about." He returned the photos to my desk and stayed leaning forward on the bed, with his hands clenched between his knees. "You are a good person, Miranda Isabella," he said. "And you do the right things, no?" His thoughts seemed to turn inward for just a minute, and then he looked at me, and said, "And you deserve my trust."

I blinked real fast several times, because I didn't want him to see any tears. And I just nodded.

And he just nodded, sloooowwww, and said, "...Many things." Then his eyebrows popped up and he said, "¿Siques sendo mi prinsesa?"

I smiled and said, "Hoy y para siempre, Papi."

Day 7. R-Day minus 7.

Halfway there. i don't think i can make it.

Ryan's coming over tomorrow, to talk with my dad. Wish us luck, guys.

Life is Good

No, don't get your boxers in a wad. my life still sucks great big gobs of air.

But, oh my God, Lizzie gave me this poem that she wrote, and it's so awesome. i want to try to put some music behind it and add it to our repertoire (that's such a cool word, i've always wanted to say it). Lizzie says she didn't write it for the band, and I know that, but it's too good to hide in the back of your Biology book.

i think she's talking about Gordo, cause of something he explained to us, last fall.

Oh, it just gets better and better

Day 5. R-day minus 9.

I'm coming down with a cold.

my throat is sore, and my back hurts, and i'm tired, and i don't want to talk to anybody. If it wasn't for the throat part, i'd say i was starting my period, but that can't be right. i mean, you can set your watch by me, y'know?

With my throat messed up, my voice keeps cracking and going out on me when i talk, and Ryan said today it makes be sound hot and sexy, which is so sweet, but it's not true. It makes me sound like an old woman.

Maybe it's a good thing that Ryan and i aren't able to be alone together, right now, doing all that virus-swappin' kissing, and stuff.

Miss you + love you.

You might not wanna read this

Day 2. R-day minus 12.

You should probably want to go ahead and skip to my entry for tomorrow. Today is my self-pity entry.

You want to know what I did today? First, I went to first period. We watched a movie. Then, I went to second period and we had a quiz. Then I went to third period, and this boy made googly eyes at me. Then I ate lunch. I don't remember what i ate, but it didn't taste good. Then I went to fourth period, and I passed notes to Lizzie. Then I went to fifth period and listened to the teacher talk. Then i went to sixth period, and listened to a different teacher talk. Then i went to seventh period and sat at a desk in the back and put my head on the desk and closed my eyes and overheard Tanya and Ashley and every other girl in Key Club talk about where they were going with their boyfriends tonight. And then i came home, and then i did my homework. And then i tried to IM Lizzie, but she's not online tonight.

Who am i kidding? i have to be the ONLY GIRL in Southern California who's online tonight.

my life is just so...pathetic, right now. Oh, and you know what i'll be doing tomorrow? Pretty much exactly the same as today, except i probably won't have the same thing for lunch, but i won't remember it, anyway.

Really, though, i hope everyone has a happy Valentine's Day. i hope everyone's with the hunny they wanna be with. i love you all.

Especially, love you, Ryan, with all my heart.