Were you laughing at me?

Did I entertain you?

I'm at home now. And no essays, please, cause I'm going to bed, right after this.

I saw Candy before homeroom, and she said we needed to talk at lunch. I figured it had something to do with the band, which I had really been out of the loop on, for the last 2 weeks.

I sat behind Ethan Craft in homeroom this morning, which is pretty rare. He and I were sort of flirting. He asked me how I was surviving the purgatory of teenage grounding, and I was telling him about my week. And then he told me something, and I told him he was wrong.

And he said he was sure, and I said he was lying.

The bell rang before Ethan could go any further, and I wasn't interested in listening, anyway. It started out as fun, just teasing, but he wasn't funny, anymore. On my way to first period, I saw Coach Martinez entering the gym, so I asked him.

I didn't go to History. I stopped off in the girls' restroom, and entered the nearest stall and closed the door behind me. I just stood there, then leaned forward, my arms outstretched in front of me, and rested against the stall door. I started having these...hot flashes...and my bangs grew sweaty. Guys, I NEVER sweat.

After about 5 minutes, I opened the stall and went to the sink and ran cold water. I just watched the water run down the drain for several minutes, before reaching under the faucet and splashing some on my face. I wasn't having the flashes anymore, and the water made me shiver.

I went to the office, and checked out of school, sick. I drove home, and just got in, a few minutes ago. The first thing I did was log onto the internet, and visit the sdsu website.

Ethan was right.

sdsu didn't play last night.

ugh. I can't understand boys

Day 12. R-Day minus 2.

I invited Ryan over tonight, but he says he "can't" come. He's going to the SDSU game with some friend of his. I didn't even recognize the name.

I don't understand that. It's just some stupid basketball game. I mean, it's not like they're not going to be playing next week, and the week after that, to infinity. I don't want to tell him he can't spend time with friends, but, gah! He had all last week to do this stuff, and tonight, when my parents say he can come over, and slfkjsgfoijgojn

I think he's mad at me. He wanted to see me last night, but we had mass last night. And he thought, well, great! Let the family go to mass, and he'd sneak over, and then we'd make out, or something. And I told him I couldn't do that. And I don't want to. It's Lent, and I'm not skipping mass during Lent. I'm just not.

So then he starts saying things, things that really...sting, talking about the things he does for me, and all the things I won't do for him.

Never mind that most of the things he wants me to do for him involve taking off some piece of clothing.

He says that I won't give him any of my time, but why can't he understand that I'm giving him every second I can, right now?

I mean, one minute, he can be so adorable, and it's like he idolizes me, and treats me like a princess, and he wants to grant my every desire. And then the next moment, he's saying things that cut me open, and then he watches me bleed.

So when I try to give him tonight, he just brushes me off, like I'm his used condom, or something. I'm trying, baby. I'm trying to be with you, all I can. I wish you could see that.

So, is it me? Are there any boys out there, who can explain why he'd rather see a basketball game than stay with me?

I Feel a Spanking Coming On

Day 11. R-Day minus 3.

Guess who's turning 17 next weekend?

Looks like you're about to make it through another year, Gordo! Yeah, this is one of the dull ones. No driver's license, like 16. And no voting, like 18. It's really kind of a letdown, just another year. j/k! Lizzie's having a quiet little get-together over at her house to celebrate, so I thought I'd invite everybody who's reading this to come on over!

And special shout-out to Austin: I know it's been tough, but things'll get better. I promise.

Slice of Heaven

Day 10. R-day minus 4.

Last night was Heaven.

Ryan came over, and my mom made empanadas and chipotle mashed potatoes for dinner. When she laid a saucer of guacamole next to his plate, he said, "No, thanks, Mrs. Sanchez. I don't eat avocado dip." Stevie started laughing at him, and even my dad chuckled. I said, "Daddy!" and my mom said "Stevie!" at the same time, both of us chastising the more immature members of our family.

Then I turned to Ryan and said, "It's not avocado dip, Ryan." I started to call him baby, but that probably would have made him uncomfortable. "It's guacamole. You use it to deaden the spices, so they don't burn your mouth. Look. I'll show you." I took a slice of lime from the plate in the center, and then reached across the table to dip it lightly into his guacamole. Then I sucked on the edge of the lime.

I guess I must have been doing something that looked sexy to him, cause when I glanced up at him to see if he was watching, the look in his eyes said he was about to throw me on the dining room table and ravish me. But then it was my turn to feel uncomfortable. I blushed, and slipped the lime out of my mouth. I couldn't figure what was so sexy about that. I peeked to the side, to see if my folks had noticed, but my mom was just now laying out the potatoes, and my dad was pouring his tea.

But Stevie had been watching me. "Randa? What about grace?"

"Heh. Oops!" I smiled at her guiltily, and placed the lime on my plate. "Sorry. And it's Miranda, Stevie."

Stevie nodded, as if she understood perfectly, and said, "Randa."

Ryan gave me this totally evil grin.

After dinner, we all sat in the den and watched this dvd that Ryan had brought over, Shall We Dance?, that stars Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez. I know a lot of people don't like Jennifer, but I admire her. No, I adore her. Stevie fell asleep on the floor in front of the tv, and I sat on the couch with my baby and nestled my head on his chest, and wrapped my arms around his waist, and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and we snuggled, and watched the movie in silence.

Thank you, Jesus

Day 9. R-day minus 5.

My dad told me this morning that, even though I'm still grounded, Ryan can come over in the evenings this week, and spend time with me, if he wants. So he's eating dinner with us tonight! For the first time, I know I can make it, to this weekend.